In another fruitless attempt to avoid any meaningful activites (by making myself look busy on the computer), I decided to look at some TripAdvisor reviews.
Boss and I, when in Casa Grande, AZ (which is about 5 months every winter) have a favourite watering hole close to home: McMashers Bar & Grill. I try not to read other people’s reviews in case they influence my own weak opinions. But as I had just finished reading the rest of the internet and was bored, I thought that I would browse through TripAdvisor reviews.
I came across some interesting quotes from customer reviews of McMashers. This selection left me more flummoxed than usual after I read them; they require further clarification or additional information, so I’ve added my comments in parentheses:
- (a) “When we stepped in it was dark I could hardly see. Sports bar and fairly crowded.”; (b) “Only down side is that it is noisy.” (IT’S A SPORTS BAR PEOPLE. HELLO.)
- “Lots of tvs and off track petting.” (I tried petting the blonde bartender, but she slapped me, so I’m not sure this claim is true).
- “Went to watch the packer game. The place was packed.” (Can you say ‘a pack of pickled packer people on the patio’ three times?)
- “The waitress ran her butt off.” (I’ve seen her recently. It’s true, really, she has no butt.)
- “At least it was clean and everyone spoke English.” (That’s not true, I was slouched at the bar that night, speaking Gibberish)
- (a) “The best fries in town!”; (b) “the French fries were nothing to rave about.” (So, I guess I’ll order the fries, not the French fries.)
- “This is the best kept secret in Casa Grande!” (You mean, other than the 380 TripAdvisor readers that saw your review? Way to go Gladys)
- “2 people and 3 pitchers” … “Texas toothpicks too” … “Bad experience!” (no kidding?) “The bar tender not not care” (Next time, maybe try sleeping it off before writing your review … or not not)
- “I recommend this restaurant for young couples, college students, quirky adults and easygoing individuals.” (You forgot feeble, flummoxed old fossils, but I forgive you for the oversight)
- “Often there is live entertainment on weekends.” (I much prefer that to the dead groups they drag in on weekdays.)
- “Great lil bar to go n have drinks” … “friendly n personable.” (Here, I’ll lend you a few letters: t,t,e,a,d,a,d. You’re welcome to use them on your next post.)
- … “atmosphere depressing” (Just so you know, it improved markedly after you left).
- “Not a 5-star restaurant” (Note: it’s also not an asylum, a wombat or a Turkish Bazaar)
- “Not a good place to go if you have business to do.” (Might I suggest also avoiding the zoo, strip joint, climbing wall and the tractor pull?)
Here are my conclusions, for what they’re worth:
- There ought to be an intelligence test that users must pass before they can post Internet reviews. Really, I don’t know why people—voluntarily, mind you—publicly expose their stupidity. As Honest Abe once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and to remove all doubt.” I think that applies to writing as well.
- If we can’t agree on the quality of French fries, why in hell are we surprised that Congress can’t agree on presidential appointments?
- Should we really rely on TripAdvisor reviews when it’s well known that anybody with a shady past and suspect intelligence (e.g. yours truly), but access to a computer, can instantly unleash their uneducated, biased, feeble opinions on the world?
Impaired Old Dude
– Feature image: Major Redneck (flickr)