In another fruitless attempt to avoid any meaningful activites (by making myself look busy on the computer), I decided to look at some TripAdvisor reviews.

Boss and I, when in Casa Grande, AZ (which is about 5 months every winter) have a favourite watering hole close to home: McMashers Bar & Grill. I try not to read other people’s reviews in case they influence my own weak opinions. But as I had just finished reading the rest of the internet and was bored, I thought that I would browse through TripAdvisor reviews.

McMashers Mashup

I came across some interesting quotes from customer reviews of McMashers. This selection left me more flummoxed than usual after I read them; they require further clarification or additional information, so I’ve added my comments in parentheses:

  • (a) “When we stepped in it was dark I could hardly see. Sports bar and fairly crowded.”; (b) “Only down side is that it is noisy.” (IT’S A SPORTS BAR PEOPLE. HELLO.)
  • “Lots of tvs and off track petting.” (I tried petting the blonde bartender, but she slapped me, so I’m not sure this claim is true).
  • “Went to watch the packer game. The place was packed.” (Can you say ‘a pack of pickled packer people on the patio’ three times?)
  • “The waitress ran her butt off.” (I’ve seen her recently. It’s true, really, she has no butt.)
  • “At least it was clean and everyone spoke English.” (That’s not true, I was slouched at the bar that night, speaking Gibberish)
  • (a) “The best fries in town!”; (b) “the French fries were nothing to rave about.” (So, I guess I’ll order the fries, not the French fries.)
  • “This is the best kept secret in Casa Grande!” (You mean, other than the 380 TripAdvisor readers that saw your review? Way to go Gladys)
  • “2 people and 3 pitchers” … “Texas toothpicks too” … “Bad experience!” (no kidding?) “The bar tender not not care” (Next time, maybe try sleeping it off before writing your review … or not not)
  • “I recommend this restaurant for young couples, college students, quirky adults and easygoing individuals.” (You forgot feeble, flummoxed old fossils, but I forgive you for the oversight)
  • “Often there is live entertainment on weekends.” (I much prefer that to the dead groups they drag in on weekdays.)
  • “Great lil bar to go n have drinks” … “friendly n personable.” (Here, I’ll lend you a few letters: t,t,e,a,d,a,d. You’re welcome to use them on your next post.)
  • … “atmosphere depressing” (Just so you know, it improved markedly after you left).
  • “Not a 5-star restaurant” (Note: it’s also not an asylum, a wombat or a Turkish Bazaar)
  • “Not a good place to go if you have business to do.” (Might I suggest also avoiding the zoo, strip joint, climbing wall and the tractor pull?)

My Conclusions

Here are my conclusions, for what they’re worth:

  1. There ought to be an intelligence test that users must pass before they can post Internet reviews. Really, I don’t know why people—voluntarily, mind you—publicly expose their stupidity. As Honest Abe once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and to remove all doubt.” I think that applies to writing as well.
  2. If we can’t agree on the quality of French fries, why in hell are we surprised that Congress can’t agree on presidential appointments?
  3. Should we really rely on TripAdvisor reviews when it’s well known that anybody with a shady past and suspect intelligence (e.g. yours truly), but access to a computer, can instantly unleash their uneducated, biased, feeble opinions on the world?

Impaired Old Dude

Photo attribution:
– Feature image: Major Redneck (flickr)