Most Canadian Snowbirds are used to the drill at U.S. Customs when entering the states. But if you’re new to travelling south, or aren’t sure about the expectations, then here’s a starter course for you.

Top 10 Responses That Will Definitely Delay (or kill) Your Visit

Old Dude would recommend answering officials’ questions succinctly and promptly, and not to offer additional (unsolicited) information. When driving to the U.S., here is my top ten list of things not to say to customs officials:

  1. We don’t know how long we’re staying.
  2. What’s the matter, wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

  1. Are we bringing more than $10,000? Are you fucking kidding?
  2. Don’t worry about Bandit. He’s only foaming at the mouth because he’s excited to see you.
  3. We don’t have any cigarettes, but my hubby likes his cubans.
  4. Say boss, we’re running a bit late; could you hurry up?
  5. So tell me, do you guys have a barbecue with all the seized chicken?
  6. As y’all say, “I’m pleading the fifth on that question.”
  7. I’m pretty sure I left all my guns at home.

and the number one thing NOT to say is:

  1. It’s none of your business.

That last one is definitely an entry killer. In fact, I would only recommend saying that if:

  • you get turned on by strip searches
  • you’ve lost something in your car and only a thorough dismantling will locate it
  • you never want to enter the U.S. again

And no, I’ve never said any of these things to customs officials. I might look stupid, but I’m not that dense.

Old Dude