Stick That Selfie!

Apparently, June 21st is ‘National Selfie Day.’ Naturally, I have a few things to say about selfies, so here goes …

I don’t want to go into a diatribe (like some people do) about the ridiculous number of selfies taken in our world, where too often the subjects (and objects, as it turns out)  are egocentric, narcissistic, attention seekers—from snot-nosed school kids, to ostentatious young adults, to arrogant old bastards—who insist on polluting social media sites and boring their past-friends with daily photos of themselves, often surrounded by other like-minded (or, mindless) acquaintances.

Some people have strong opinions, don’t they?

Practice Selfie Restraint

We all know people like their selfies, and most of them don’t abuse the practice. But then there are others … How about some restraint, people? By restraint, I refer to both the quantity of selfies and the number of ‘shares.’ I’m not saying that people should never take selfies, but watch that trigger finger, Wyatt! Also, please think before you share (see ‘Sharing Selfies’ below).

Sharing Selfies

My feeble mind has come up with two reasons why selfie-sharing goes wrong:

  1. Self: Let’s analyze the reason for taking a selfie. Most people would agree that a good photo has an interesting subject. So, with a selfie, that’s either you, or the background:
    • If you see an interesting background, take a frickin picture of it! Extract you!
    • If you think that you are the interesting subject, then why not get someone else to take a picture of charming, fascinating, alluring you? Arm’s length self-portraits are seldom flattering.
  2. Sharing: First of all, ask yourself a couple of questions. Are you really ‘sharing’ your mug with social media friends? Or are you imposing delightful, bewitching, irresistible you onto their news feeds on a daily basis? It’s one thing to keep your long-distance or seldom-seen friends up to date; it’s another to pollute social media sites with you:
    • at different angles
    • at different locations
    • in your bathing suit
    • with a hat on
    • waking up
    • drunk
    • happy
    • crying
    • . . . ad nauseum

Selfie Test

I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be any selfies taken (and shared), but there should be a test to see if your proposed selfie qualifies for public consumption. For instance, if you answer yes to any of the following questions regarding your selfie, then please resist posting it online:

  • Are you on the toilet? (put that cellphone down … I mean it)
  • Did you just get a new haircut and are looking for your friends’ blessing?
  • Has it been less than 3 days since your last selfie post?
  • Are you thinking of sharing your selfie via text, email, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter?
  • Is this a closeup of something nobody wants to see (nose hair, armpit, your abs, toenails, yechcetera)?
  • Are you making a ‘duck face‘ or some other stupid expression?
  • Are you using a selfie stick (for any reason whatsoever)?

… and the truly defining test:

  • Are you driving? (If so, STOP. Get out of the car. Walk to the nearest wall, lean forward, then knock your head on it, sternly, 3 times)

And after all that, if you pass this test, please, still resist posting your selfies.

Old Dude